regrets. mistakes. and heartbreaks.

Sometimes things you least expect happen. 

Like falling in love with your best friend. 

I fell in love, in the last couple months. I've never felt this way about anyone before ever. So when I told him I loved him, I didn't think it would take things the way they were to an end. 

Love sucks. 

My chest feels so heavy, like a large rock has been placed there and it's slowly crushing me. I'm too weak to lift if off my chest so I let it squeeze me to the ground. I can't open my eyes because when I do the tears flow uncontrollably, and the sun stings my eyes. until I'm gasping for air I'm sobbing so hard. my brain won't leave me alone. It taunts me. saying "you just had to say it didn't you." "you ruined everything." "why Breanna? Why are you so stupid as to think he might possibly be on the same page as you?" I look like a pathetic creature caught in a trap, who's slowly loosing the will of desperation to escape. 

take me back to this. 

please.  

wishes. wants. and desires.

I wish I was brave enough to tell you how sorry I am.
I wish I could show you how I never ment to hurt you.
I wish I could take it all back, because in the end you were right.
I wish we were still friends, because after all you were one of my very best.

I want you to know you came into my life for a purpose. You turned my sucky senior year around. you allowed me to enjoy what I had left of high school, when all I wanted was to get out.
I want you to know that I took you for granted, and I shouldn't have.
I want you to know that how things ended between us is my biggest regret from high school.

I desire for us to be friends. even though this is most likely out of the question. because I don't deserve it.
I desire you to know I miss your friendship.

I wish, I want, and I desire.

all words that enable dreams of things you can't have.

so heres to my dream. because you're definitely there. maybe not as a boyfriend, or a significant other, but as friend you once were to me.