Like a champ.

First semester of college? Complete. Bring it on Christmas break. 

mother dearest.

 It's 12-12-12. Big deal. What's more important is, it's my mother's birthday. That's the big deal. I love my mom. She has been there for me since before I can remember. She does so many things for me, I can't begin to count, or I would be more over whelmed than I am for my math final tomorrow. I know we haven't always gotten along or seen eye to eye through my years of growing up, but through all those times we butted heads she's still stuck to me like glue, making sure she knows how much I'm loved. And now that I've been out living on my own, I've realized how much I relied on her, and how I maybe didn't always treat her how I should have. But I'm proud to say that she is one of my best friends, and I'm proud to call her my mom. She's obviously the coolest mom in the whole world.

 So a shout out to you mom, thanks for all the times you fixed my hair even when I didn't always like it, and I cried about it. Thanks for all the times you fixed me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Even though I complained probably more than I said thank you. Thank you for all the times you cheered me up when I was angry. Thank you for all the times you took me shopping for things I should have been more grateful for. Thank you for all the times you bought me random love gifts, just because you thought i would like them. Thank you for all the times you helped me with homework, even when I'd get frustrated and angry with it. Thank you for all the times you sat and listened to my stories, even if they weren't the most interesting ones. Thank you for all the times you helped me get ready for high school dances. Thank you for all the times you paid for extra curricular activities for me like dance, voice lessons, piano, softball, and everything else. And thanks for not just paying, but supporting me, cheering me on, and telling me to never give up. Thanks for always being your self. and being a great example. a hard worker. a happy person. Thank you for teaching me.

I love you mom. Happy Birthday!
Hope it's lovely. (:

wishes. wants. and desires.

I wish I was brave enough to tell you how sorry I am.
I wish I could show you how I never ment to hurt you.
I wish I could take it all back, because in the end you were right.
I wish we were still friends, because after all you were one of my very best.

I want you to know you came into my life for a purpose. You turned my sucky senior year around. you allowed me to enjoy what I had left of high school, when all I wanted was to get out.
I want you to know that I took you for granted, and I shouldn't have.
I want you to know that how things ended between us is my biggest regret from high school.

I desire for us to be friends. even though this is most likely out of the question. because I don't deserve it.
I desire you to know I miss your friendship.

I wish, I want, and I desire.

all words that enable dreams of things you can't have.

so heres to my dream. because you're definitely there. maybe not as a boyfriend, or a significant other, but as friend you once were to me.

the weekend has brought me comfort.

A weekend at home has ment that...

-I've wrapped a million presents for my mom. thanks to my roommate Tyler who taught me how to make legit bows. 

-I've watched half a season of Once upon a time. 

-I've "ate" real food. <---if you don't know why this is funny you might be from Idaho. 

-I had the opportunity to take my best friends preference pictures.

-I went alone to a farewell. one that was hard to go to. especially alone. but i made it. and i'm glad i went. 

now finals are calling my name.. yay?

home.

home is an odd place these days.
i no longer have a "room" to call my own. i now use my sisters room. which is a pain in my rear when i find myself walking to what was my room every time i need to grab something.
my family goes to bed at 10. what are they thinking??? the party doesn't even start until 10.. so i awkwardly sit here in the quiet empty house saying well now what? i have at least 4 hours to kill.
all my friends... in logan, doing high school activities, or in other various college towns. so who am i to hang out with? the dog? this my people is what happens to "home" when you move out on your own.

chilled.

I usually despise wind. But today, I have to fess up that I really needed it, and may have indulged myself in it.

 

To feel the cool harsh wind nip at my nose and ears until I couldn't feel the sting. 

To feel it comb through my hair, making it an exciting mess. 

To breathe in the fresh taste of it. 

To smell the bitter sweetness of a December morning. 

To have my cheeks turn bright and rosy. Giving me the look of an excited blush. 

To make me feel alive, awake, and calm. 

cheers to rosy cheeks! 

One of those days.

Why are there days you wake up looking in the mirror, and not liking anything you see?

Why are there days you feel lonely, unwanted, and that no one cares?

Why are there days you cry? 

Why are there days you feel sorry about awful things that have happened?

Why are there days you just want to be held, but you have no one to hold you, and then realize that's your fault? 

Why are there days you're stressed out of your wits? 

Why are there days you feel gross everywhere?

Why are there days that you ache for things you can't have?

Why are there days you feel angry, for no real reason at all?

Why do all these happen to you on the same day?